Walking into the monolithic building of The Chapel in Grayslake, Illinois—one of three buildings of this size, and one of five buildings total for the church—such a statement seemed inconsistent. Signs of success were all around, not least of which were the sizable staff and the 1,000-seat auditorium. Yet, Jeff Griffin (MDiv ’95) had penned these words, and the results of this experience could be seen on his face, and in the very walls of the building surrounding him. God had opposed his ministry until the failure broke him. And then God blessed.

Jeff’s story begins as do many others, with faithful parents who led their son to Christ at an early age. As he grew in stature and wisdom, he grasped a faith that was about belief and obedience but was devoid of a real affection for God. While an undergraduate at Wheaton College, he discovered this affection—that he could truly know God and be loved and supported by him. Later, when he shared with his family his thoughts on entering full-time ministry, they were surprised, given his natural shyness and fear of public speaking. But God had called him for a specific purpose, and he turned from a promising career in medicine to a career serving the church.

The first foray Jeff took into ministry was a bust. He was full of youthful vigor, and for two years he preached his heart out to the high school students at the small church at which he worked. The youth group grew modestly, but looking back on the experience, Jeff would later say, “There was no power of God.” One adult leader made a commitment to Christ, but with all of the preaching, programming, and discipleship, the students seemed unaffected. After two years, the struggling church closed its doors.

“These first three years of ministry will forever be a bold celebration and witness
to all Jeff Griffin is able to accomplish on his own.”

Jeff accepted a role at a brand-new church as a youth pastor the same year he began a Master of Divinity at Trinity. For four months he held “youth group” with two adult volunteers and not a single student. This continual “leader development mode” soon became frustrating to his volunteers. So on a vacation to Colorado with his family, Jeff woke early to cry out to God.

 I sat at the table in my dimly-lit kitchen with my head in my hands. I had crawled out of bed well before my family in order to get some time with God and see if we could make sense of my life. Years earlier, I had walked away from an opportunity to start medical school in order to obey what I thought to be God’s call into ministry. Now, it seemed it had been a terrible mistake. My ministries had been fruitless. I had never seen a single student come to Christ, and the Christian students had shown no signs of spiritual growth. This was not how it was supposed to be. I had read many accounts of high school ministries that exploded with new believers and contagious spiritual zeal, and I had experienced none of it. 

As I poured out my heart to God at my kitchen table, I was humiliated, discouraged, and confused. I wanted so badly to make a difference for Christ. I wanted so badly to advance his kingdom. Why was my ministry so dead? Why had God called me if he knew I’d fail? I reached over my soggy cereal, grabbed my Bible, and opened to 2 Corinthians. Paul’s ministry in Asia had struggled tremendously, but he knew why.

“This happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God.” -2 Corinthians 1:9

With long overdue humility I asked God if I had failed to rely on him. It was like a gentle breeze came and blew away my self-deception. With God-given clarity, I could suddenly see the confidence in myself that had characterized my ministry. I had unconsciously been relying on my abilities and effort to build a ministry. It was becoming clear to me that God was not only withholding his assistance, but as he had promised in James 4:6, he was actually opposing my prideful efforts.

My tears of self-pity turned to tears of repentance. Right thereat the table God forgave me for years of failing to genuinely rely on him. In passionate hatred of my sin, I solemnly promised the Lord that I would live differently from then on. These first three years of ministry will forever be a bold celebration and witnessto all Jeff Griffin is able to accomplish on his own.